Assertiveness & Boundary
Remember how you grew up.
Were you told by adults that you were observing and attentive child?
Were you told to be quiet often, if not always, because your father (or mother) was under the weather?
Are you now too agreeable just because you would do not like to argue with anyone.
Are you stubborn just because you said it first?
I dare ask, do you have a boundary in you? If you are too nice, it is so likely that you do not draw the clear line to show it is where your area begins. If you are emphathic and feel someone else’s feeling as your own, you can try the sensation but you need to know when to stop because it is difficult to always know which is your feeling.
Boundary is important especially when you are in a long-lasting relationship. When something awkward happened, and you need to tell honest but inconvenient truth to someone in the office, in a friendly circle or at home, your ability to handle the situation makes a big difference.
The boundary includes how much:
– body space and distance from other people you need.
– time alone you prefer
– affection and romance your require
– you need to hear words of affection
– importance you attach to honesty, reliability, and sobriety within the relationship.
– financial equality and fairness matter to you.
I guess you knew what to say when your own world was violated. You must have said “it is not your business”, “I’ve done my share and not involved any longer”, “Do not waste my time on you”, or “Not interested.” In assertiveness coaching, the key phrase is that “no person is your Source”.
Remember not to feel guilty when you say so. Your counterparty might have made face but he or she wouldn’t have been able to explain logically why you were needed. You know you had been OK. Therefore you are OK.
If it is too much to handle, release the tension by going to wash room, all of sudden. You might suddenly be thirsty. You just do a little trick like that and you will be OK.
